When will I be happy?
The idea of happiness seems to be an obsession in our culture (author not excluded). In your own pursuit of happiness, I’ll offer you a few invitations to explore what this word means for you!
The first invitation I’ll issue is to change your language. Instead of saying, “I am happy,” practice, “I feel happy.” This helps our mind reframe the idea of happiness from a state of being to an emotion. Emotions are a temporary state and are intended to give us feedback about our experience of the world. Getting curious about the messages our emotions are sending gives us knowledge about our environment, our relationships, and our self-mastery. By training our brain to think of happiness (and sadness, anger, etc.) as moments in time, we are less compelled to chase a certain point in time where we believe happiness will never leave us.
My second invitation is to move through your emotions. Some humans are driven by their emotions (again, author is writing directly about herself). We make day-to-day decisions based on how we feel. We also have tendencies toward extremes: either shoving down emotions in an attempt to ignore them, or feeling emotions so strongly that we get stuck and can’t envision a time when felt differently. By moving through our emotions we release their control over our lives and can choose our state of being regardless of circumstance. For example, saying, “I am peace” as a state of being allows you the choice to access peace regardless of whether you feel sad or happy. This concept is harder for me to grasp, but I think of the many people I’ve experienced grieving the death of a loved one. There are some who find peace in believing in a higher power. Although they experience sadness in different ways, they still access an inner peace that defies circumstance. On the other hand, I’ve seen folks rage at themselves, family, or a deity in the midst of grief and cause themselves more intense experiences than coming to terms with what is.
My third and final invitation is to stop trying to be right. In my own journey of checking the boxes to being happy, I obtained 2 degrees, bought a house, got married, adopted 3 pets, and bought everything I ever wanted from Amazon. Although there were certainly moments of happiness (often coupled with smugness and entitlement) I still felt that my idea of what happiness should be continued to elude me. By learning to “get it right” instead of “be right,” I opened myself to more opportunities for ease, surrender, and peace. And for me, these words replaced the old ideas of what happiness should be.
So, the short answer to our question, “when will I be happy?:” is NOW. Because we commit to practicing peace regardless of circumstance and we understand and allow a full spectrum of emotions, happiness included!
